Emotionally Destructive Relationships

Emotionally destructive relationships are not always evident to those on the outside. Deep wounds are created which over time will destroy the victim of the relationship. Why would the perpetrator inflict these wounds? The answer lies within the heart of an emotionally destructive person. In Matthew 15:18-20 (NIV), Scripture says, “But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man “unclean”. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” Our heart contains our feelings, thoughts, beliefs, values, desires, motivations, and decisions. Behaviors and words reveal what we try to conceal in our heart.

Are you or have you been in an abusive, unhealthy relationship? If so, you could be carrying around wounds that are affecting you much deeper than you even realize. Not letting go of those past wounds will keep you in bondage and will affect every area of your life. Your family- your job- your friendships- people will begin to notice your reactions to situations and will become concerned. Don't let the actions of your past, and for some maybe the present, dictate your feelings or your reactions. Denial is a hallmark of abuse. Be truthful and honest with yourself!!! Admit the abuse and recognize the damage that has been done. I was verbally and emotionally abused for many years in my marriage. I was a minister's wife- had a beautiful home- nice cars- nobody would believe what I was going through so I kept it hidden- and kept it quiet but it almost destroyed me. You cannot let it destroy you- You should seek professional help and guidance. There is no one-size-fits-all prescription for healing your emotions. Find a support group- reach out to a pastor (if your pastor doesn't believe that abuse can happen in his church contact me!!!) Pastors, church leaders and church members vary in their ability to give support to men AND women in difficult marriages/relationships.

Soak in God's Presence and truth. God invites us into His presence and transforms us by the renewing of our minds (Rom 12:2) Spend time in God's Word- prayer- worship- and fellowship. It may be difficult for you to spend a lot of time in prayer or studying the Word- it could be your emotions are so damaged you cannot do it. That's ok!!! Do what you can and trust God with the rest and reach out for help.......'

THE MIND: WHERE THE BATTLE IS REALLY FOUGHT

It is shocking how many believers are pulled down simply because of the thoughts they allow to fester and run rampant in their minds. There is a great deal of spiritual victory that many believers can access simply by changing the way they think and controlling the thoughts that flow through their minds! Read on and you will see how it works. Your mind controls your emotions.

1. What are you paying attention to?

Whatever you pay attention to will become magnified in your eyes and in your life. Whatever you give heed to, will become more important to you. Let's take two people: John thinks about his past sins and how badly he is messed up his life. Adam on the other hand, keeps thinking about how he is a new creation, his past has been washed away by what Christ did for him on the cross and he is a new person in Christ Jesus. John, because his attention is constantly on the problem, the problem becomes larger in his eyes than the solution to his problem, and that is the Blood of Jesus. Adam on the other hand, does not even see his past, because he is always thinking about the Blood of Jesus, and how he is clean, it is as if he is never sinned! Which person is going around feeling guilt-ridden, defeated, and condemned? Which one feels clean, on fire for God, and grinning from ear the ear... overflowing with the love and victory of God? I hope this opens your eyes to see why so many Christians are living 'defeated' lives and walk around guilt-ridden and are lacking the joy of the Lord in their lives. And without the joy of the Lord, where is their strength supposed to come from? After all, as Nehemiah 8:10 tells us, "For the joy of the LORD is your strength."

That is why the enemy tries to get your mind and thoughts derailed and off of the truth that is in God's Word. He tries to get you to worry about things that in reality, you have no reason to be worried about!

Is it a sin problem? That has been dealt with in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." In plain English, it does not matter what you have done, if you are willing to take it before the Lord, you can be forgiven of it!

Do you need healing? Has that not been paid for on the cross? Have not His stripes been given as ransom for your healing (Isaiah 53:5)? Did not Jesus demonstrate this by healing EVERYBODY who came to Him (Matthew 8:16-17)?

Perhaps one of the biggest differences between a victorious believer and a depressed or defeated believer are the very thoughts that go through their mind day after day. Yes, demonic spirits can and do play a big role in depression, fear, etc., but many times all you have to do is get your thoughts derailed and because of your ignorance of the truth, you begin to become fearful and depressed.

Fear and depression can also be caused by evil spirits, as Saul was tormented by evil spirits who caused fear and depression to sweep over him. 1 Samuel 16:14, "Now the Spirit of the LORD had left Saul, and the LORD sent a tormenting spirit that filled him with depression and fear." (NLT)

I have never heard of Inner (Emotional) Healing before, what is it all about and why do I need it

In Luke 4:18, Jesus declares that He is uniquely anointed to bring healing to the broken places in people’s hearts, to set captives free, and to lead prisoners into liberty. Jesus brings restoration to people’s lives. Inner Healing deals with our response to hurts and memories from the past, including repressed memories. These hurts and memories may affect our lives in the form of bad memories, a feeling of worthlessness and inferiority, fears and anxieties, the inability to feel loved and accepted, and so much more. They may come from such things as the separation from a parent through illness, divorce, or death (which can be experienced as rejection), or the experiences of failure or lack. It can also come from such things as overwhelming fear, abuse, and/or a family history of problems such as alcoholism, violence, sexual abuse, church abuse, or the involvement in the occult, and/or any unresolved burden of guilt.

Some of these hurts come from the fact that we are living in a fallen world. Events happen, such as accidents, disease, poverty, and natural disasters that are not of deliberate choice. Hurts can come from your own wrong choices and responses. Many times, memories are pushed below your conscious thinking, where they stay and are felt in debilitating ways(repressed) . These memories can express themselves in your lives as fear, anger, anxiety, resentment, self-hate, guilt, unforgiveness, an inability to trust, and/or persistent irrational beliefs, etc. When you suppress the hurt so that you can cope, the memory is not dealt with and remains by eventually incapacitating you.

Inner Healing ministry shows you the different areas of emotional hurt and helps you to identify such things as defense mechanisms, inner vows, bitter roots, inner vows, and so much more. Inner Healing ministry seeks the presence of the Holy Spirit and asks for His discernment and knowledge of where ungodly beliefs, unhealthy expectancies, and tormenting judgments exists as a result of emotional and mental wounds.

Dr. David Seamands, a Methodist theologian of whom I was first introduced to inner healing (or emotional healing as he calls it) says in his book "Healing for Damaged Emotions": There is something you need to understand and that is that the gospel is most practical and gets right down to where you live. (I Cor. 2:2) As Americans, we have been weaned on indiscipline, indecency, and sensuality, we are living in modern Corinth. In our society, it is difficult for anyone to grow to young adulthood without suffering some damage. There are scores of young men and women who were fed a lot of false and harmful ideas/information by well-meaning but ignorant parents, preachers, authority figures. Now they are unfit for marriage, unable to be husbands, wives, who can live without fear, guilt, and shame. Damaged? Yes, badly. God has divine repairs and healing for you. We believe in the scripture Romans 8:26 about the Holy Spirit who “helpeth our infirmities”. Many modern translations use “weaknesses” or “cripplings” in place of the word infirmities. One meaning of the word “help” has a medical connotation, suggesting the way a nurse helps in the healing process. So, it is not simply “to take hold of on the other side,” which is the literal meaning of that verb, but that the Holy Spirit becomes your partner AND helper and works along with us in mutual participation, for your healing.”(Seamands, David, 1981, Healing for Damaged Emotions, Cook Publishing)

These general Biblical principles must be followed in order for you to receive fully your healing for those damaged emotions, soul wounds, and repressed memories:

1: Face the issues head on;

2: Accept your responsibility in the matter;

3: Ask YOURSELF if you really WANT to be healed;

4: Forgive everyone who is involved in the problem(s);

5: Forgive YOURSELF; and

6: Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what your REAL problem is and how you need to pray.

Inner healing is simply this: letting Jesus take the memories, hurts, deep wounds of your past and 1) Heal you from the inner(emotional, soul) wounds that still remain in your memories or subconscious and affect your present lives; 2) Fill all those places with His love that have for so long remained empty. It is asking the Holy Spirit to walk you back to that point of injury and heal the deepest wounds; wounds caused by trauma or abuse that are too much to cope with. The need for Inner Healing is indicated when a false identity is rooted in some emotional wound from the past. The idea is to ask Jesus to walk back with you to the time you were hurt and free you from the effects of that wound in the present. This involves 2 things: a) bringing to light the things that have hurt you. (Usually this is best done with another person; even talking out the problem is in itself begin the healing process) and b) praying and asking the Lord what door has been opened, to heal the binding effects of the hurtful incidents of the past and to close that door. There may also be a need for forgiveness of the offending party on the part of the one needing healing. There will be a need to receive healing from Jesus regarding the inner hurt and there may also be a need for deliverance. It is renouncing the lie that you have believed about you and that wound and to exchange that lie for the Truth. The Truth will be what God's Word says!

Trauma or abuse can be an entry point for demonic influence. When someone says they are tormented by anxiety, fear, guilt, anger or any other emotion, there is a strong possibility that they have DEEP soul wounds that are being tormented by the demonic. Inner Healing gets to that root of the wounded parts of the soul and getting you healed.

Isaiah 61 speaks of setting the captives free and binding up the broken hearted. Inner Healing goes to those broken places, the hurts, the painful emotions, and binds up the broken hearted.

Inner Healing is also a tool for sanctification.

Processing through issues of forgiveness, repentance, and rejecting the lies you have believed is a very sanctifying process. As we strip away all the broken ways of thinking and the faulty foundations, a redeemed mind, healthy life patterns, and firm foundations begin to develop. The main components for Inner Healing Prayer are Forgiveness, Repentance, and Replacing lies with the Truth.

So many problems go all the way back to the womb. We listen for problems of today, but we will also ask you about your “childhood”. Sin is not the issue- it is the ”brokenness” behind it. When we get to the root- the sin gets taken care of.

Deliverance, preservation, safety, and salvation IS the meaning of SOTERIA.

The Goals of Inner Healing are:

1: GET TO THE ROOT: So many of the things that keep people in bondage are hidden deep beneath the surface.(that’s the way the devil likes it!!) People struggle mightily with anxiety, fear, anger, and other negative emotions, but yet are at a complete loss as to why they are there in the first place. Before a person can truly be set free, they must have eyes to see what is at the root of their problems. Soteria partners with the Lord to help guide the hurting to the root of their pain.

2: REALIGN WITH THE TRUTH: God has built spiritual and physical laws into His creation. They apply to everyone’s lives whether they are aware of them or not. Love is the essential ingredient that fulfills all of these laws. By realigning people with the tools of love, forgiveness, mercy, and grace, and applying them to the root issues, those roots begin to lose their power. The damaging effect they have had on lives subsides. That which was out of rhythm with God’s perfect design is removed.

3: WALK IN VICTORY: The Cross was the final victory over sin and death. Victory was and is always there for the taking, yet sin and death are still hard at work to keep us from truly experiencing the freedom Christ has brought us. By healing the areas of hearts that have not yet come into agreement with this truth, they will experience the true freedom that God intended them to have. They can now experience victory and lift the illusion of defeat.