Sexual Coercion in Marriage: Can My Husband Rape Me?

 SINCE THIS IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MONTH, I WANTED TO PUT THIS OUT THERE......... MARITAL RAPE IS NOT OK. HE CANNOT TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE HIS PROPERTY AND HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS........... ITS WRONG, ITS ILLEGAL, AND ITS RAPE, NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT...........I KNOW, I EXPERIENCED IT!!!!!

Sexual Coercion in Marriage: Can My Husband Rape Me?

Marital rape is a very real—and very illegal—offense in all 50 states

Key Takeaways:

Marriage never means automatic consent. Sexual activity without consent is rape or sexual assault, even between spouses.

Sexual coercion can be abuse, too. Threats, manipulation, pressure, reproductive coercion and other tactics can strip a partner of their ability to freely consent.

Freezing or not fighting back doesn’t mean consent. Freezing and fragmented memories are common trauma responses, and survivors are never to blame for how their bodies respond to an assault.

For much of American history, a woman’s choice to say “I do” could effectively strip her of the right to then say “no” to sex with her husband. The result left wives with little legal protection from husbands who used sexual violence as a means of power and control.. Though that’s no longer the case, not all men have gotten the message.

What Is Marital Rape?

Marital rape occurs when your spouse forces you to take part in sex acts without your consent. This includes any unwanted intercourse or penetration obtained by force, threat of force or when the spouse is unable to consent. According to RAINN, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, rape by a spouse can be as emotionally and physically traumatic as rape by a stranger, and survivors of marital rape may experience repeated assaults. They also discovered marital rape victims are more likely to experience multiple rapes. Furthermore, forced sex increases a victim’s chances of being murdered by their abusive partner in the future.

CarlLa Horton, Executive Director of Hope’s Door in New York, has worked with survivors for the last three decades. It’s not “marital rape,” she says. “It’s rape. It minimizes it to call it marital rape.”

She gives a heartbreaking example of what rape and sexual coercion can look like in a marriage, recalling what a survivor once told her.

“A woman spoke about her husband wanting this and that sexually, but she wasn’t having it, she didn’t want it. Here’s what he said that finally got her to acquiesce—'You do what I want or ‘—and he pointed to the bedroom of her daughter, eleven-and-a-half years old, from a previous marriage. He said, ‘She’s looking mighty juicy to me.’”

Tactics Abusers Use to Commit Marital Rape

Abusers who rape their partners may combine domestic violence tactics, like physical and emotional abuse with sexual violence. Some abusers use rape as a punishment for a survivor not obeying the “rules.” Sexual violence does not always involve physical force. Abusers may instead use threats, intimidation, manipulation or persistent pressure to obtain sexual compliance.’If you loved me, you’d do this.’

Coercive control is characterized by pervasive and ongoing oppression by an abuser. An abuser positions themselves as the main decision-maker in the relationship. Through isolation and manipulation, a survivor may find themselves losing autonomy, gaslit into believing that whatever the abuser says is true. This includes the survivor’s “duty” to have sex whenever the abuser wants.

Survivors can find themselves questioning what happened and wondering how they continue to be coerced into sex when they never outright consented. Sexual coercion can be even more difficult to recognize as it often involves manipulation through non-physical means.

Stealthing can be another type of rape abusers may use. This is when a rapist-abuser removes or damages a condom before or during sex without their partner’s consent. This can lead to an increased risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or unintended pregnancy, the latter of which is a way some abusers try to trap survivors in a relationship.

Reproductive coercion extends beyond rape, with the abuser pressuring or forcing their partner to become pregnant or to end a pregnancy against the partner’s will. This could look like forbidding birth control, refusing to wear a condom, or using violence to end a pregnancy.

Abusers who coerce or force their partner to become pregnant know that a shared child will mean even more control over the survivor. For more information, see our Guide to Reproductive and Sexual Coercion.

How Abusers Use Sexual Violence for Power and Control

Most sexual violence experts would agree that rape has less to do with sexual gratification and more to do with power, which is something abusers are fixated on having over their victims.

“In relationships, it’s used as a controlling technique–’I continue to have power over you,’” explains Rachel Stanton, founder and director of Counseling in Boston, LLC, who works with survivors of sexual trauma.

“It’s one more degrading tactic [abusers use] because it’s all about putting someone else down,” says Horton.

She agrees with Stanton that the act is not about sex at all, but rather entitlement.

“I don’t think these men have enormous libidos, or a high sexual desire. It’s a tactic to exert that power and control,” says Horton.

Is Marital Rape Illegal?

Marital rape is now illegal in all 50 states—though it took until 1993 to do so.

The year 1978 saw the first perpetrator convicted of raping their spouse in the U.S. Before then, there was a common law presumption that “real rape” could only occur by a stranger and that forced sex was a “wifely duty.” Luckily ideas changed and in the 1970s and ‘80s states began adopting laws criminalizing marital rape. Women’s advocate Laura X, who took the name in 1969 at the age of 29 to symbolize her rejection of men's legal ownership of women, played a prominent role in the successful campaign to outlaw marital rape in California in 1979 with her advocacy efforts. Following that, she led campaigns in 45 other states which followed suit. By 1993, every state had made marital rape an illegal offense.

Yet, a legal loophole was found to exist as late as 2019 when Minnesota finally overturned and repealed the state’s marital rape exception that protected rapists who lived with and had an ongoing sexual relationship with their victim. Prior to that, at least one victim saw her rapist ex-husband serve just 29 days in jail because they were married at the time of his assault.

Marital rape is just as illegal in same-sex marriages. Statistics show that 44 percent of lesbians and 26 percent of gay men have experienced rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, though how many couples were married is unknown.

Is Marital Rape Illegal Globally?

Sadly, no. The United Nations estimated in 2019 that only 4 in 10 countries worldwide have laws criminalizing rape within a marriage. Marital rape is not explicitly criminalized in many countries, and in those places where laws exist, legal exceptions make prosecution difficult. For instance, in Russia, Thailand and Venezuela, as long as the rapist marries their victim, the rape is not punishable. In Iran, marriages are allowed with girls as young as 9 years old with parental permission, ignoring any ideas that children may not be able to consent to sex.

Even in countries where marital rape is illegal, cultural norms keep many victims silent. In South Africa, for example, though marital rape was outlawed in 1993, it is believed by many that a married woman’s body belongs to her husband. Therefore, rape isn’t possible, or so the excuse goes.

Signs of Sexual Coercion in Marriage

Sexual coercion occurs when someone uses pressure, manipulation, threats or other nonphysical tactics to obtain sexual activity that the other person does not freely want or consent to.. This is different from rape and sexual assault where physical force can be a factor. Sexual coercion can be confusing to survivors—was it rape even if I didn’t stop it? Is this considered abuse? Am I supposed to give my spouse sex? The grey area of coercion can be compounded through gaslighting in which an abuser convinces their partner that what they think happened didn’t. Other signs of sexual coercion include:

Asking for sex repeatedly

Saying things like, “You got me this far. Don’t you want me to finish?” or “I thought you loved me and wanted to make me happy?”

Telling you it’s your obligation as a spouse or partner

Giving you alcohol or drugs in order to lower your inhibitions

Threatening to break up with you unless you engage in sexual activity

Refusing to use protection or not allowing a partner to use birth control

Threatening to go elsewhere for sex

Withholding money or other needs if you don’t have sex

Saying sex is owed because your partner paid for dinner, did you a favor, etc.

What To Do if Your Spouse Forces or Coerces Sex

Rape or sexual coercion by a spouse can be hard to prove in court since there are no witnesses and often no evidence besides the survivor’s testimony. Survivors are often at a disadvantage to prove the crime happened, as opposed to an abuser being asked to prove it didn’t.

Horton gives another example of a Spanish-speaking survivor who was trying to secure an order of protection against her abusive spouse.

“The judge was asking her, what did he [the abuser] do that you want this order of protection? She answered, ‘He said very bad things.’ The judge asked, ‘What do you mean?’”

The survivor couldn’t say it out loud. Instead, she whispered it to her attorney, who then responded to the judge. “She says that if she didn’t give him her ass there would be no food for her kids.”

The judge didn’t grant the survivor the order of protection, remembers Horton.

If you’ve been raped by your spouse or coerced to have sex that you didn’t consent to, here are some immediate steps you can take:

Get somewhere safe. This may be a friend or family member’s house, a hospital or an emergency shelter. If you have children, try to take them with you. Leaving them with the abuser may make it very hard to gain custody of them later if you stay away. You can go to a police precinct if you feel it’s safe to do so. For some survivors, reporting the abuse can mean an increased level of danger. It may be safer to first consult with a domestic violence advocate on how to stay safe, and then contact law enforcement if you choose to do so.

Consider getting a forensic exam. This is not an easy choice, but it can be useful later on if the victim decides to report to law enforcement. A forensic exam, also known as a rape kit, is conducted at a hospital by a trained sexual assault nurse examiner. The exam can take multiple hours to conduct and can feel invasive, but a victim is allowed to stop the exam at any point. Evidence is collected and stored until a survivor needs it. A survivor can request a rape kit without being obligated to involve police right away.

Reach out to a trained domestic violence advocate. You can call a domestic violence organization near you and speak to someone about next steps, such as a safety plan or an order of protection. You can also call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE.

What Consent Looks Like in Marriage

In case it’s unclear, even within a marriage, both parties must consent to sexual activity of any kind, otherwise it’s considered assault. The absence of a “no” does not equal consent, and consent can be withdrawn at any time. Being married does not imply consent.

Everyone is allowed to set boundaries based on what they’re comfortable with, and those boundaries may change. Just because you consented to something sexual at one time does not mean you’ve consented to it happening any time. A healthy partner will respect sexual boundaries and not coerce, shame, bribe or threaten their partner into doing something sexual.

Consent doesn’t have to stop intimacy. It can be asked throughout an intimate act and can sound like:

Are you comfortable with this?

Are you OK if I [describe what you want to do next]?

Do you want to slow down?

What do you want to happen next?

Freezing During Assault, Forgetting Details Is Common

Our body’s neurotransmitters, or the chemical messengers sent from our brain to other parts of the body, are designed to protect us from danger. When these transmitters sense we’re in danger, such as in the case of assault, they release adrenaline, a hormone that gives us a burst of energy and clarity to “fight or flight” from an assault. But in other cases, our nervous system becomes overloaded, almost paralyzed by fear. This is when “freezing” can be our body’s response. Throughout evolution, our brains learned that staying completely still can sometimes stop a predator from attacking. This is a common response, and it’s not the survivor’s fault. In addition to freezing, our brains may block memories of the trauma as another way to protect us.

Unfortunately, victims who freeze or forget details of an attack can often be blamed by those unfamiliar with trauma responses. But remember, it’s not your fault. Read “Fragmented Memories: How Trauma Can Cause Memory Loss” for more information.

Additional Questions About Sexual Coercion, Answered

Can my spouse rape me?

Yes, any unwanted intercourse or penetration obtained by force, threat of force or when the spouse is unable to consent is rape. Sexual coercion is also a type of sexual assault or sexual abuse, and yes, it can be perpetrated by a spouse.

Is it illegal for my spouse to rape me?

Yes, sexual assault is illegal in all 50 states. If you are considering reporting the assault to law enforcement, a sexual assault or domestic violence advocate can help you understand the process and consider any safety concerns before you decide.

I’m not sure if my partner raped me. How can I be sure?

If you did not freely consent to sexual activity, what happened was not consensual. You may be unsure what to call the experience, especially if your partner used pressure, threats or manipulation rather than physical force. You don't have to determine the legal definition on your own. A sexual assault or domestic violence advocate can listen to what happened, help you understand your options and support you without pressuring you to report.

You can call a domestic violence organization near you and speak to someone. You can also call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE.

Can I change my mind about having sex?

Yes, of course. You can revoke consent at any point of sexual activity. A healthy partner will stop. Also, consenting to sex or a specific sexual activity one time does not mean you’ve consented to it any time that partner wants it.

Why did I freeze up during an assault?

Freezing up during an unwanted sexual activity is normal. Our body’s neurotransmitters, or the chemical messengers sent from our brain to other parts of the body, are designed to protect us from danger. Sometimes, our nervous system becomes overloaded, paralyzed by fear. This is when “freezing” can be our body’s response. Throughout evolution, our brains learned that staying completely still can sometimes stop a predator from attacking. This is not your fault. Freezing up does not denote consent.

What is the difference between consent and compliance?

Consent is freely given; compliance may be a response to pressure, fear or threats. A survivor may stop resisting or agree to sexual activity because they believe doing so is the safest option. That does not necessarily mean they wanted or freely chose the sexual activity.

You Can Do This

Learn more about different ways sexual assault can show up in relationships with an abusive partner in the article “What Is Sexual Abuse?” You can also talk with our Hope Chat, the AI assistant appears at the bottom of this website. She can direct you to even more resources on DomesticShelters.org that can help you better understand different tactics of abuse.

If you think your partner has raped or sexually abused you, reach out to a domestic violence advocate near you to find local resources and support, and to discuss pressing charges and securing an order of protection if you’re ready for that step. You can also call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE.

See less

Shared post

What Happens in an Inner Healing Session?

So many people have asked me this question so I would like to answer it for all of you.

People tend to imagine something very mysterious or complicated. The reality is often much simpler- and much more beautiful- than they expect.

Most inner healing sessions look like two (or three) people sitting together and inviting the Holy Spirit into a place in someone’s heart that is in need of healing.

Sometimes that may look like:

Praying together and asking Jesus where a wound first began.

Listening for what God wants to reveal about a painful memory.

Breaking agreement with lies that has kept someone stuck for years.

Then, inviting the truth of God to replace all of those lies.

It is not about “forcing” anything to happen. 

It is about creating space for the Holy Spirit to move, and learning how to facilitate that moment with wisdom, safety and care.

People forgiving someone they never thought they could forgive.

People encountering Jesus in places they had felt alone for decades.

People walking away free from the patterns that held them captive for years.

And the thing that surprises most people is this:

The person facilitating the session isn’t “fixing” anyone.

They’re simply creating space for God to do what only He can do.

An inner healing session is one of the most intimate experiences you can have with Jesus.

Be Who God Called You to Be

Before trauma shaped you, before life threw you a sucker punch, before survival actually turned into your personality, God had an intention for you. There was a decision made in heaven regarding you; you are not some accident. You were not sent to earth just to figure it out. You are not someone’s reaction to pain; you are not a product of dysfunction. 

God sees himself in you! He sees His intention. He sees His decision. Its proven in Jeremiah 1:5, Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.

But this brings us to a question. It's a question that's both confronting and freeing.

Are you showing up as who God sent you to be? Or are you showing up as what life and your choices and other people's choices have shaped you into? 

Because those two things are often in opposition.

Now, we all have to travel this road called life. But on this road, we must realize that there are forces at work. Life, it has a way of shaping us. But

not all shaping is formation. Some shaping is actually distortion. And trust me, there is a difference between the two.

You see, God forms, but life pressures.  God speaks identity, but pain teaches defense.

Some of us learn to be quiet, not because God called us to silence, but because speaking once cost us safety.

Some of us learn to be strong, not because God called us to leadership, but because weakness was not an option.

Some of us learn to be agreeable, to be guarded, invisible, loud, funny, detached, angry, hyper independent, or emotionally numb.

Not because God sent us that way, but because that was what helped us survive.

And listen, yeah, survival can keep you alive, but it can't keep you aligned.

Scripture reminds us of God's original intent in Romans 8:29.

For whom he foreknew, he also predestined

to be conformed to the image of his son

that he might be the firstborn among

many brethren.

Notice God's goal is conformity to Christ. Not conformity to culture, not conformity to trauma, not conformity to coping mechanisms.

No, his goal for us is conformity to Christ. 

The danger then, please recognize the danger comes when we start calling “coping” character.

Let's be clear. The coping mechanisms that you've employed are not your character.

Let's take a trip back to the beginning, and let's look at Adam as an example.

God placed Adam in the earth as dominion.

Genesis 1 26 says, "Then God said, let us make man in our image, according to

our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds

of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth, and every creeping thing

that creeps on the earth.

Adam wasn't sent as fear. He wasn't sent as insecurity. Adam wasn't sent as shame.

No, he was sent as dominion, authority, stewardship, God's representation in the earth.

But Genesis 3 shows us what happens when deception begins to speak louder than divine instruction.

The serpent started issuing questions that caused Eve to have question marks where there used to be periods. And then Eve infected Adam with that same doubt.

Genesis 3:1 says, "Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field

which the Lord God had made. And he said  to the woman, "Has God indeed said, 'You

shall not eat of every tree of the  garden?"

That question, "Has God indeed said, is still being asked today.

Has God really said that's who you are?

Has God really said you're called?

Has God really said you're chosen?

Has God really said you're free?

What makes you think you're all that?

You see, the enemy wants you to believe that you're none of those things

the same way he did to Adam.

Adam's issue was that he allowed deception to move him out of alignment.

And suddenly, the man placed in the earth as dominion began showing up as fear.

In Genesis 3:9, God issues a question that still echoes

through history. The Bible reads,  "Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to

him, Where are you?" 

Genesis 3:10 records Adam's response to God. So he said, 

"I heard your voice in the garden,

and I was afraid because I was naked and

I hid myself."

Do you see what happened? Adam's fear replaced authority.

Hiding replaced dominion.

And know this, when God asks a question, he's not asking because he doesn't know.

He's asking so that you can find the answer. God wasn't asking about Adam's location. He was asking about Adam's alignment.

He was saying, "Adam, man, where are you? Because I can't sense the authority I sent you to be."

Now, when we talk about who we are as Christians, we often talk about the fruit of the spirit and rightly so.

Galatians 5:es 22- 23 says, "But the

fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace,

longsuffering, kindness, goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Against such there is no law."

Those are characteristics of God. And every believer is called to carry the character of God. But beyond godly character, there is also a personal calling. Beyond fruit, there is function. Beyond being like God, you've been sent to express God in a very particular way.

You see, think about it. Moses didn't express God the same way David did. And

David didn't express God the same way Esther did. Esther didn't express God the way Elijah did. And the way you express him, it'll

be different too.

Same God, different calling, different expression.

So then, who did God send you as? So let's check out a couple of examples.

Moses was sent as deliverance. He didn't accidentally become a deliverer. He was sent as one. 

Exodus 3:10 declares God's words clearly.

Come now, therefore, and I will send you

to Pharaoh that you may bring my people,

the children of Israel, out of Egypt.

Moses was sent as deliverance. But life tried to shape Moses into something else. Moses had a target on his life from the beginning.

He was actually slated to be killed as an infant, but his mom heard the Lord and came up with a plan.

Moses was then adopted by Pharaoh's daughter, and he was raised in a system that actually oppressed his identity.

His purpose tried to show up as he came to the rescue of a Hebrew brother one day, but his methods were off when he

killed an Egyptian. Then the rescuer in him showed up again the next day when he tried to keep two Hebrews from fighting. But he found out

that they knew he killed an Egyptian the day before. And so what happened in Exodus 2:14?

It says that Moses feared. Does that sound familiar? Remember Adam? Moses stepped out of the will of God, and he became afraid as well. So now, is that the enemy's plan of attack for you, too? Is he pulling you out by your emotions and then speaking condemnation in your ear? Is he causing you to walk in fear and then when that fear rests on you, do you run and hide from God? and thus end up hiding from your purpose as well. 

By the time God spoke to Moses in the desert in Exodus 3, by the time he told Moses his plan to use him to deliver the Israelites, Moses sounded exactly like someone that life had shaped. God told Moses what he called him to do. And Moses presented one argument after the other about why he could not fulfill his calling.

Exodus 4:10 says, "Then Moses said to

the Lord, oh my Lord, I am not eloquent,

neither before nor since you have spoken

to your servant, but I'm slow of speech

and slow of tongue."

That is not the person God sent. Moses was showing up as the man life tried to convince him he was. But

notice, God doesn't argue with Moses's weakness.

Instead, he reframes the source of power. 

Exodus 4:es 11-2 "So the Lord said to him, who has

made man's mouth? Or who makes the mute,

the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have

not I the Lord? Now therefore go and I

will be with your mouth and teach you

what you shall say.” 

Translation: 

Moses,

I sent you as deliverance, and I will

supply everything necessary for you to

show up as who I sent.

So we've seen the example of Adam and we've seen the example of Moses. But now for our perfect example, let's look at Jesus.

Jesus never wrestled with identity confusion. He knew exactly who he was, and he knew exactly why he came. 

Luke 19:10 says,

"For the Son of Man has come to seek and

to save that which was lost."

John 6:38

says, "For I have come down from heaven,

not to do my own will, but the will of

him who sent me." 

Now, you need to know life was lifeing from the womb to the tomb. But Jesus didn't allow life to change his identity.

Jesus never allowed the rejection, the betrayal, the suffering, or even being misunderstood. He never allowed any of

that to redefine him. He stayed in tune with God and thus he stayed in tune with his purpose.

When people tried to crown him prematurely, he withdrew.

When people tried to kill him, he stayed obedient.

When people misunderstood him, Jesus remained anchored.

Why? 

Because when you know who you were sent as, when you know who God's called you to be in the earth, you don't let your circumstances rename you.

God has already known you and named you according to his will. But life will try to rename you. Pain will try to define you. Failure will try to

label you, but God still names his people.

Revelation 2:1 17 says, "He who has an

ear, let him hear what the Spirit says

to the churches. To him who overcomes,

I will give some of the hidden mana to

eat. and I will give him a white stone,

and on the stone a new name written,

which no one knows except him who

receives it.”

God gives names that restore, not labels that confine.

Isaiah 43:1 declares, "But now thus says

the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and

he who formed you, O Israel, fear not,

for I have redeemed you. I have called

you by your name. You are mine."

So then, once you examine yourself and you come to this place of self-reflection and self-awareness and you realize that you're out of sync with who God's called you to be, then how you might ask, can you move into alignment?

1st.  You return to God's voice. Because if you tell the truth, other voices, including yours, have often drowned out what God has said about you.

In John 10 27,

Jesus says, "My sheep hear my voice and

I know them, and they follow me."

You need to ask God the question you've avoided.

Ask him, "Who did you send me to be in the earth?"

Ask him what he called you from the beginning. 

Ask him, "What representation of himself did he intend you to be before skin covered your bones?

Before life happened, before you began hiding, before you learned how to cope? 

Abba Father,

We come to you right now, thanking you

for your love and your patience, your

kindness and your grace.

You are the almighty, the only true and living God, and we

thank you for accepting us into your presence.

We come before you humbly yet boldly because you have invited us to come.

And as we come, we lay down every distorted mirror, every false label,

every voice that has tried to define us apart from you.

Father, we confess that too often we've seen ourselves through the lenses of

failure, fear, comparison, pain, or past mistakes. We've seen ourselves that way

instead of through the truth of your word.

But today we ask you by your spirit to realign our vision.

Teach us to see ourselves as you see us.

Father, your word declares in Psalm 139:14,

"I will praise you, for I am fearfully

and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your

works and that my soul knows very well."

So today, Lord, we choose to agree with you. We praise you for how you formed

us. For the way you wired us, for who you called us, where shame has spoken loudly,

silence it with your truth. Where insecurity has taken root, uprooted with revelation.

Lord, let our souls know very well what you already declared to be marvelous.

Father, remind us who we are in Christ. Your word says, "Therefore, if anyone is

in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away. Behold, all

things have become new." according to 2 Corinthians 5:1 17.

So then we declare that we are not our past. We are not the sum of what happened to

us, nor of what we did. Old things have passed away. Behold, all things have

become new.

Father, renew our minds to walk in that reality. Give us the courage to stop rehearsing

and wallowing in what you have already redeemed us from. Lord, awaken us to our purpose.

You have not made us randomly, nor have you made us carelessly.

Your word says in 

Ephesians 2:10, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,

which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

We declare that we are your workmanship, your masterpiece, your intentional creation.

Open our eyes to the good works you prepared in advance for us. Give us

faith to walk in them, grace to sustain us in them, and obedience to say yes when you call.

Father, we admit that we cannot do this in our own strength. We need your grace.

Not just grace to save us, but to empower us to show up as who you intend us to be.

Father, we agree with your word. We need you. So, here we are coming boldly.

We receive mercy for where we've missed it. And we receive grace for where you're taking us.

We declare that grace is not distant, nor is it reserved for others. Your grace is available to us right now.

Lord, when we feel weak, inadequate, or unsure, anchor us in this promise found in the

beginning of 

2 Corinthians 12:9.

And he said to me, "My grace is

sufficient for you, for my strength is

made perfect in weakness."

We declare that your grace is indeed sufficient. It's not just barely enough. It is fully sufficient.

Let your strength be perfected in our weakness. Where we have tried to hide our flaws,

teach us to surrender them so your power can rest upon us.

Renew our thinking, God. Break every pattern of self-sabotage

and every mindset that would contradict your truth. Your word commands us in 

Romans 12:2.

And do not be conformed to this world,

but be transformed by the renewing of

your mind that you may prove what is

that good and acceptable and perfect

will of God.

Transform us, Father.

Renew us.

Align our thoughts with heaven so that our lives can reflect your will on earth. 

And finally, Father, anchor our hearts in hope. When doubt whispers that the future is uncertain,

delayed, or even tries to tell us that it's a lie, remind us of what you have spoken.

Jeremiah 29:1,

"For I know the thoughts that I think

toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of

peace and not of evil, to give you a

future and a hope.

We trust your thoughts toward us, Lord. We receive your peace. We embrace the future and the hope that you have ordained. Today, this day, we declare that we will see ourselves

as you see us. 

We will access the grace that you freely give.

And we will show up. 

We will show up boldly, faithfully, and surrendered as who you  created us to be. In Jesus mighty and  matchless name we pray. Amen.