What a crazy whirlwind the last few months of 2024 and the beginning of 2025 have been. This post is going to be very transparent.
I have been involved in inner(heart) healing ministry for more than 5
years. I have researched, written, thrown things away, researched some more- and began writing it all down again. I went
through a good sized “tree” with all the paper I had. Through all of this, writing about inner healing when I knew
absolutely nothing, was a real challenge for me. During this time, I was
introduced to a ministry called Prophetic Heart Healing (PHH) with Elise
Tarango. My introduction to her was a
training that she offered on inner healing- giving us tools and so much more.
That first night of the Zoom training (by the way there were over 550 people on
that Zoom call) I went into that training with an attitude.(Yep, I did.) I was skeptical-
but I had already paid my money, so I figured I had better take the
training. As I listened to her beautiful
and simple explanation of the process, I was taking notes (even though they had
given us handouts) and I couldn’t write fast enough. THEN she invited everyone to take part in a
mini-inner healing session. Well, I kind
of chuckled to myself that I didn’t believe it would work, but again, I had
paid the big bucks so I figured it wouldn't hurt. Well, let me tell you, that night Holy Spirit
met me in my room in a way I had never experienced before. My heart started a healing process.. a
beautiful healing process. I finished
that 3 -day training and I felt like I
was on cloud nine. BUT let’s fast
forward a few years………..
The first half of 2024 went pretty smoothly. Finished my last Inner Healing and Freedom class at church but at the time I didn’t know it would be my last. Then, the day after Memorial Day we had a tragic loss in our family. My former son in law took his own life with a firearm. It completely devastated my daughter and grandchildren and me too. Even though he and my daughter had divorced a few years prior, and she was married again, they still had a wonderful friendship. This hit me so very hard right in the gut. To see how it devastated my grandkids just broke me. There was no apparent reason for what he did- and there was no note left so it left so many heart-wrenching questions . At that time, I was enrolled in Light University getting my certification as a mental health coach and upon finishing that, I was to start the Suicide Prevention and Intervention program.
The day after returning from the memorial I was hit with another incident that almost broke me. I was told our Inner Healing and Freedom class had been "closed down" and we wouldn’t be having any more classes, but that they were creating a new program for the school of ministry. The way it was told to me was very cold and calloused. That, along with the death of my former son-in-law, I began to spiral into what felt like an abyss. The worse part of it all- “I” had nobody to talk to. It was getting more and more difficult to get out of bed. I couldn’t think straight. I was sick to my stomach all the time. I would have these "attacks" out of the blue. I knew what was happening- I was becoming depressed. On top of that I lost 5 more people- either friends, acquaintances, or family during those next 4-5 months. I was in the process of preparing our Inner Healing and Freedom book for publication and my editor was trying to stay in communication with me and I didn’t want to be bothered. I found myself beginning to “hate” so many people and things. Yes…….I said the word.
I hated living- I hated having to get up and go to work- I hated the people who were in charge of the new program, which ended up being a deliverance class and nothing about inner healing! I even hated going to church, but I went. This went on for months. Every day, just hoping that Jesus would return for His church, and I would be out of here---------WAIT- would I have gone to be with HIM with all that hatred in my heart?
The “S” word began to cross my mind everyday- I could be done with all this mess if I wanted to. Yes, I actually had those thoughts!! By this time, I was well into my Suicide Prevention class, however, at the end of every class, I would sit and bawl my eyes out- “what was wrong with me” I would cry out. Even suicide looked good to me right then. I felt something happening in my (spiritual) heart. Oh God, please deliver me from this life I would cry. Day in and day out- it continued like this. Sometimes I could not even focus or think, I was in so much emotional pain.
In January of this year, we started the
14-day fast with our church and I poured my heart out to Him every morning. I
spent time with Him before getting up and getting ready for work. I don’t know
the day or the hour, but I just know I felt healing starting to happen in my heart. I was starting to feel alive again-once again I was feeling
like I had hope and purpose. I
decided to do what I instructed the students in my classes to do, have an
intimate encounter with Father God. I
did my own “Immanuel Approach” inner healing session and He sure met me
there. I handed some pretty intense things to Him and
in turn He gave me peace- a peace that passed ALL understanding. I handed Him
my hate- and he gave me Love. I handed Him my unforgiveness and bitterness and
He gave me forgiveness. I love when He speaks to you- you know it is
real and not heartburn or gas. :=) Do I
still think about the losses? Oh, every day.
Do I still think about my class that was taken away from me? Every
single day. But instead of bitterness, I have peace because HE brought back to
my mind when He told me He was sending me to the “wilderness” , and He did just
that. I was used to ministering in a “church” setting- but He showed me too
many people “out there” needed the inner healing message and needed Biblical
counseling. So, He sent me to Shine
Recovery Café where I minister to the hurting .
Not only that, but He is also beginning to open some doors that I know
only HE can open.
Don’t let anger- anxiety- bitterness- hatred and unforgiveness control your life and ruin you. It is time to let it all go, give it all over to HIM and see what He has in store for you. Don’t walk in guilt and condemnation- they are not from Him. Maybe you have had Church Hurt….. yes, I have too but I made the decision to lay it down and walk in forgiveness. No matter what the issue you are dealing with- give it to Him and let Him make something beautiful out of it. Jeremiah 29:11 says He knows the plans He has for you- plans to prosper you- plans for a hope and a future, but we can’t have those things till we start walking in love- and stop seeking our own way. These emotions and roots you are dealing with just make you continue to go "around that mountain again and again", getting nowhere. Aren't you tired of it? Well then, let's talk!!
I hope this has helped you in some way. If you would like to
talk or need prayer, just reach out to me. I am here for you!!
