Hearts of Stone and Inner Vows
In order for us to have true fellowship with others and God, HE must pierce or melt our hearts of stone. In our fallen condition, we are like medieval knights in armor, peering out through slits in our helmets to slash and poke at one another, secretly, wishing that the other fellow would open up so we could really meet him.
A heart of stone is a defense mechanism, a hiding place we believe will protect us from hurt, but which in fact makes us the "loneliest and most miserable" person in the world. The Church is filled with hearts of stone, people who can love and serve others, but who cannot allow others to minister to them. Healing is hard work; it requires time and understanding AND support of family and friends.
What is a "stony heart"? It is an automatic hidden defense mechanism which will keep you from being vulnerable or "seen". It is a hiding place, a wall that you believe will protect you from hurt, but only makes you lonely and miserable. The vows and the walls are usually hidden, formed in the first 6 years of life, then forgotten. This is a learned behavior, as if programmed, these habits, patters and structures function automatically.
How are they formed? These walls and stony hearts are formed out of your earliest experiences of frustration and dissatisfaction. For example, a baby lies in their crib crying for attention or food but the mother responds by changing its diaper. The baby cannot speak or pray and so frustration grows. A baby wakes in the night and cries, waking the parents. The parents repond to the child's need with anger, fatigue, and frustration. The parents' touch send a signal to the spirit and the soul, and the child begins to build a wall of protection around the heart. A baby wakes and cries, and there is NO response. This is the beginning of the opinion that the baby is not a priority in the parents' life. (Yes I know there are always extenuating circumstances, that is not what this post is about). The absence or presence of love, laughter, and affection in the home will determine the hardness of the heart. Recognizing the problem of a stony heart can be obvious in some cases, characterized by heartless, uncaring behaviors and selfishness. This condition is more hidden in Christians. You will see a "loving, caring, serving" believer who can minister but cannot be ministered to, or has trouble receiving from God. In families, a person with a stony heart cannot receive love and intimacy. In relationships they tend to sabotage themselves and their partner by putting them down. In the Body of Christ the person with a stony heart tends to drive wedges, create strife, and destroy corporateness. A stony heart in leaders can destroy a church!!
The person with a stony heart can develop physical problems, build up stress, breakdown of the immune system, as well as "cancer".
Soteria recognizes the heart of stone can be difficult due to the person's desire to remain "unseen". We help that person understand how the stony heart was formed--it can be a slow process- like the peeling of an onion.
DO YOU HAVE A STONY HEART?
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