HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN CHURCH #6, #7, & #8

The church has sometimes been a place where many have experienced wounds instead of healing. In fact, statistics show that a great percentage of persons who cease attending church, do so because of some type of offense or injury to their feelings that happened there. Sometimes these occur because of the insensitivity of the church; other times, people are themselves at fault for being too touchy or sensitive to misunderstandings.

In any case, it is sad that such experiences ever occur, because the church is an indispensable part of the believer's life. Not only does it provide a place to worship, serve and learn about God, but it is also a community where believers can practice love toward their brethren as the Bible requires; "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1:7).

Whatever you do, don't give up on the church. God requires you to be faithful to it and to be accountable to its spiritual leaders. (See Hebrews 10:25; 13:17). If you have been hurt there, don't run away – but equip yourself with the protection of God's Word. You may not be able to stop offensive things from happening, but by applying God's principles you can stop them from hurting you. "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them" (Psa 119:165 KJV).

The following steps from the book HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN CHURCH by Pastor Dale Robbins, (a personal friend of mine) can help believers protect themselves from getting hurt in a church:

6. Avoid blaming the church for personal problems (Isa. 26:3) — When you go to
church, you should try to dissociate the church from the other personal problems you deal with.  This kind of emotional distress can create “distorted perception” which may prevent you from seeing reality the same way others do. When facing personal struggles, don’t jump to conclusions over anything, because situations are probably not as severe as they seem.

7. Treat others as you wish to be treated (Matt.7:12) — Human beings tend to reflect the way they are treated. This is why Jesus gave us the Golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.” The way that most people interact with you is as a direct result of how you interact with them. Many hurt feelings can be avoided if we will realize that people usually react to how we deal with them. Take a close examination at the way you say things, or even how much you talk.

8. Have a teachable cooperative attitude (Heb. 13:17) — The Bible teaches believers to

be cooperative and submissive to their spiritual leaders — something that’s not possible unless the believer is committed to a church and accountable to a local pastor. As long as you are a part of any church, accept that the pastor and leaders are in charge there. Consequently, God holds you accountable to respect their authority, to pray for them, and to cooperate. Always be willing to humble yourself before others. If you have a rigid, inflexible attitude in the church you will probably get hurt.

HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN THE CHURCH #4 & #5

 The church has sometimes been a place where many have experienced wounds instead of healing. In fact, statistics show that a great percentage of persons who cease attending church, do so because of some type of offense or injury to their feelings that happened there. Sometimes these occur because of the insensitivity of the church; other times, people are themselves at fault for being too touchy or sensitive to misunderstandings.

In any case, it is sad that such experiences ever occur, because the church is an indispensable part of the believer's life. Not only does it provide a place to worship, serve and learn about God, but it is also a community where believers can practice love toward their brethren as the Bible requires; "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1:7).

Whatever you do, don't give up on the church. God requires you to be faithful to it and to be accountable to its spiritual leaders. (See Hebrews 10:25; 13:17). If you have been hurt there, don't run away – but equip yourself with the protection of God's Word. You may not be able to stop offensive things from happening, but by applying God's principles you can stop them from hurting you. "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them" (Psa 119:165 KJV).

The following steps from the book HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN CHURCH by Pastor Dale Robbins,( a personal friend of mine) can help believers protect themselves from getting hurt in a church: 4. Don’t expect any church to be perfect

4. Don’t expect any church to be perfect (Rom. 7:18-19) — As long as churches are made up of people like you and me who have imperfections, there will never be such a thing as a perfect church. Unless people understand this, they’ll have an unrealistic view of the church and will eventually become disillusioned and hurt.

5. Don’t seek to promote yourself or your own agenda (Psa. 75:5-7) — Have a humble and meek attitude like Christ (Mat. 11:29, Rom. 12:3). Pride and arrogance will set you up for a fall (Prov. 16:18). Don’t promote yourself, campaigner strive to attain an appointed or elected position. God is the one who puts persons in such positions, and unless He does it, stay away from it. Lift up the Lord in all you say and all you do.

Don’t boast or talk about yourself (John 7:18).Avoid an attitude of competition which creates conflict in unity. The philosophy of Christianity is not to try to outdo one another, but to submit to and lift up one another (Eph. 5:21).

Avoid the trap of presuming that your opinions are always divinely inspired or are indisputable. Share your suggestions and ideas with church leaders, but don’t press your opinions or personal agenda. Don’t expect to receive preferential treatment or to get your way about everything.

The Bible teaches the church to make decision in the best interest of the whole congregation, not just a certain few (Jas. 2:9). If you do things for the church or give generous offerings, do it to bring glory to God, not to bring attention to yourself or to gain influence (Col. 3:17).

HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN THE "CHURCH" #3

The church has sometimes been a place where many have experienced wounds instead of healing. In fact, statistics show that a great percentage of persons who cease attending church, do so because of some type of offense or injury to their feelings that happened there. Sometimes these occur because of the insensitivity of the church; other times, people are themselves at fault for being too touchy or sensitive to misunderstandings.

In any case, it is sad that such experiences ever occur, because the church is an indispensable part of the believer's life. Not only does it provide a place to worship, serve and learn about God, but it is also a community where believers can practice love toward their brethren as the Bible requires; "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1:7).

Whatever you do, don't give up on the church. God requires you to be faithful to it and to be accountable to its spiritual leaders. (See Hebrews 10:25; 13:17). If you have been hurt there, don't run away – but equip yourself with the protection of God's Word. You may not be able to stop offensive things from happening, but by applying God's principles you can stop them from hurting you. "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them" (Psa 119:165 KJV).

The following steps from the book HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN CHURCH by Pastor Dale Robbins,( a personal friend of mine) can help believers protect themselves from getting hurt in a church: 

3) Focus on common ground — “Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment” (1 Cor. 1:10).

Avoid becoming highly opinionated. Opinions are the interpretations and ideas of men, which if constantly pressed on other people, can cause division or promote sinful debates and quarrels (Rom. 1:29). Opinionated people are prone to get hurt when others disagree with them.

The Bible teaches for all Christians to “speak the same thing” so that there will be unity in the body of Christ (1 Cor. 1:10). The only way such unity is possible, is for Christians to focus on the common ground of Christ and His Word. That is, we need to “say what the Word says,” to let the Word speak for itself and not try to promote divisive opinions about it. In scripture, we see that Paul instructed Timothy to “Preach the Word,” not his opinions (2 Tim. 4:2). A preacher is intended be a delivery boy of God’s message, not a commentator of the message. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job (1 John 2:27).

Similarly, at one time the news media was required to comply with a very strict code of ethics. They were to report the facts of the news accurately without adding their opinion or commentary. However, as time has passed, news reporting has become less factual and more opinionated — corrupted with rumors and gossip rather than real information. Reporters have evolved into commentators which manipulate what people think about the news. Like reporters, preachers need to stick with the facts.

Naturally every believer has his or her own convictions about a great many things, but if you continually try to push your opinions on others, conflict will eventually emerge. Avoid controversy over scriptures which are vague and foster many interpretations — stand fast upon those common, basic truths — Jesus, His life, death and resurrection — and don’t add to what God’s Word says. “Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him. Do not add to His words, lest He reprove you, and you be found a liar” (Prov. 30:5-6).

HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN THE "CHURCH" Week 2

 The church has sometimes been a place where many have experienced wounds instead of healing. In fact, statistics show that a great percentage of persons who cease attending church, do so because of some type of offense or injury to their feelings that happened there. Sometimes these occur because of the insensitivity of the church; other times, people are themselves at fault for being too touchy or sensitive to misunderstandings.

In any case, it is sad that such experiences ever occur, because the church is an indispensable part of the believer's life. Not only does it provide a place to worship, serve and learn about God, but it is also a community where believers can practice love toward their brethren as the Bible requires; "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1:7).

Whatever you do, don't give up on the church. God requires you to be faithful to it and to be accountable to its spiritual leaders. (See Hebrews 10:25; 13:17). If you have been hurt there, don't run away – but equip yourself with the protection of God's Word. You may not be able to stop offensive things from happening, but by applying God's principles you can stop them from hurting you. "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them" (Psa 119:165 KJV).

The following steps from the book HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN CHURCH by Pastor Dale Robbins,( a personal friend of mine) can help believers protect themselves from getting hurt in a church:

(2) Don’t place an absolute trust in people —   “Thus says the LORD: Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the LORD” (Jer. 17:5).

Come to terms with the fact that everyone is human and will fail you at sometime or another. Even the pastor will make mistakes. The only one you can trust entirely without fail is God.

Realizing that any human can fall short, the degree of trust we place in people must be limited and will depend on their track record. The more we get to know a person’s character and the history of their behavior, we’ll be able to determine how trustworthy they are. This is one of the reasons why the scriptures tell us to get to know our pastors and spiritual leaders — so from their godly lifestyle, we’ll be able to trust their leadership. “And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you.” (1 Thes. 5:12).

There’s a difference between “love” and “trust.” It’s possible to love and forgive someone, without placing an absolute trust in them. To illustrate this, let’s say there’s a school bus driver who has a drinking problem. One day while transporting a load of children he becomes intoxicated, wrecks the bus and kills all the children. As the lone survivor of the crash, he turns to the church to seek God’s forgiveness for this horrible act of irresponsibility. If he repents of his sin, will God forgive him? Absolutely. Should the church love and forgive this person? Of course. And what if he would then like to volunteer to drive the church bus for us? Do we trust him? Absolutely not! It would be unthinkable to put a person in the driver’s seat who has shown such recent negligence. Certainly, we love and forgive him, but because of this man’s poor track record, we could not risk the lives of our passengers. Over a long period of sobriety and safe driving, this person may be able to prove that he is again reliable or trustworthy.

Remember that love and forgiveness is granted unconditionally, but trust must be “earned.” Trust is the acquired confidence in a person’s actions. We certainly can, and should trust persons who show trustworthy behavior, but because all men have the potential for failure, we should never put an infallible sense of trust in anyone but God.

Reason #3 next week 

HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN THE "CHURCH"

 The church has sometimes been a place where many have experienced wounds instead of healing. In fact, statistics show that a great percentage of persons who cease attending church, do so because of some type of offense or injury to their feelings that happened there. Sometimes these occur because of the insensitivity of the church; other times, people are themselves at fault for being too touchy or sensitive to misunderstandings.

In any case, it is sad that such experiences ever occur, because the church is an indispensable part of the believer's life. Not only does it provide a place to worship, serve and learn about God, but it is also a community where believers can practice love toward their brethren as the Bible requires; "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin" (1 John 1:7).

Whatever you do, don't give up on the church. God requires you to be faithful to it and to be accountable to its spiritual leaders. (See Hebrews 10:25; 13:17). If you have been hurt there, don't run away – but equip yourself with the protection of God's Word. You may not be able to stop offensive things from happening, but by applying God's principles you can stop them from hurting you. "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them" (Psa 119:165 KJV).

The following steps from the book HOW TO KEEP FROM GETTING HURT IN CHURCH by Pastor Dale Robbins,( a personal friend of mine) can help believers protect themselves from getting hurt in a church:

(1) Avoid developing unreasonable expectations of the church — “My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him” (Psa. 62:5).

The definition of disappointment is “the failure to attain one’s expectations.” Don’t expect things from the church or the minister that they can’t deliver, or that the Bible doesn’t teach for them to do. Many expectations have to do with preconceived “traditions” which we have come to associate with a church, perhaps from another fellowship we once attended or grew up in, etc. It’s a good idea to meet with the pastor and ask what you can expect of his ministry and the church.

Occasionally people get disappointed when they find out their church can’t supply all their earthly needs. Most ministers and churches do attempt to help people in every way they can – especially the needy during crisis and emergencies. But some people come to expect the church to meet all their material needs or pay their bills like the early church did. Unfortunately, this just isn’t possible unless everyone agrees to sell all their property and possessions and give them to the church like the early believers (Acts 4:34-35). Most churches would be blessed if everyone merely paid their tithes, however statistics show that only a small percentage of churchgoers give a full tithe regularly.

Neither is it realistic to expect the pastor to spend all his time with you, to attend every social function, or for him to show you constant attention. Instead, learn to place your expectations upon God — He will always be faithful to His promises in His Word and will never let you down.

#2 REASON NEXT WEEK

EMOTIONAL HEALING MISCONCEPTIONS

Misconception #1: "Emotional healing is just about talking through past wounds."

Truth: Emotional healing is not just about verbal processing—it is about encountering God in the places of pain and receiving His healing. While acknowledging pain is important, true healing comes when individuals allow God to replace lies with His truth and meet their deepest needs.

Misconception #2: "Emotional healing is only for people who have experienced severe trauma."

Truth: Emotional healing is for everyone, not just those who have been through extreme circumstances. Every person has areas of pain, unmet needs, or lies they have believed that can affect their relationship with God and others. Healing is about deepening intimacy with God and walking in greater freedom, regardless of one’s past.

Misconception #3: "If I forgive someone, it means what they did doesn’t matter."

Truth: Forgiveness does not mean excusing or minimizing the pain someone has caused. Instead, forgiveness is about releasing the burden of the offense into God's hands, allowing His justice and healing to take effect. Holding onto unforgiveness keeps a person trapped in emotional pain, while true forgiveness brings freedom and healing​.

Emotional wounds don’t just fade with time. They shape how we think, respond, and relate to others—often without us realizing it. But God is a healer. His love restores what was broken and replaces lies with truth. Is there a place in your heart that needs healing? Bring it to Him today. He’s waiting.

Myra Carden CHCP, BCMHC

SOTERIA-MINISTRIES.ORG

DELIVERANCE OR DISCIPLINE

There is so much hype today about deliverance. Everybody wants to jump on the "deliverance" band wagon. Many times we do NOT need deliverance-- but what we DO need is DISCIPLINE. Not EVERYTHING wreaking havoc in your life is from Satan- many times it's poor choices that have caught up with us. Discipline has become a "dirty" word in our world today. You cannot live your life any way you want and not reap the consequences of your actions. Period!! The thought of "I got away with it today, I will see what I can get away with tomorrow" will eventually catch up with you. Yes, Sin opens doors or gates in our spiritual hedge, allowing spiritual pollution to enter, thereby causing spiritual as well as physical problems. Yes I am a big believer in Deliverance. I have taught it- I have done it- but there are times in a believer's life where you just need to discipline yourself.

Here is an excerpt from my book Inner(Heart) Healing and Freedom that might explain things a little better:

Romans 7:15-20: [15] I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. [16] And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. [17] As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. [18] For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. [19] For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. [20] Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Have you ever found yourself saying those exact things to yourself?? Have you found yourself doing things that you don’t want to do and those things you do want to do, you can’t or won’t do? Sometimes it just takes discipline. Renewing your mind to God's Word is a great place to start.

Never forget these 2 scriptures:

Proverbs 25:28 – A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

Hebrews 12:11 – For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Don't be that city ....broken into and without walls (walls protect!!!) You are left without the protection that you need from God. Discipline may be very unpleasant to you temporarily but you will reap righteousness if you continue to discipline yourself. Press through the pain of the discipline.

Just something to think about today. We will discuss this more in the next Blog